Q: I have a 3 years old daughter who has just discover that by firming her leg muscles and pressing her gentile against a table or a sofa, she can feel good. She thinks this is a form of play and she calls it : “pretending to pee” . Although I know this is not sexual at all at her age, I really feel bad and don’t know how to react to the behavior. Is this normal behavior? Can this behavior harmful?
A: Masturbating is the most common and normal behavior of all ages during the history. Babies as young as 7 months can start masturbating. Usually the pick of the behavior is between 3 to 5 years of age. It then declines in frequency until puberty. The behavior itself can not harm your child at all. The problem is when the child does it in public. Young children usually do not know the difference between public or privet. So this is something that should be tough to them. You can tell your daughter that : ” You know we shouldn’t nose picking while around others or it is not acceptable to go in front of others without close or underwear, this is the same you shouldn’t do this in daycare or when around other people. Because they know and they say to themselves that this child hasn’t learned that he/she shouldn’t do this in front of others” If the child still does it in public, you should treat it as you would to any other behavior that is not acceptable in public places. The next thing to do is to keep your daughter as busy as possible and manage activities for her that reduce the free time for her to remember of this behavior. There is a short but very practical handout for parents to read in this website as well. You can find it in under the parenting skills.
Q: I have a six years old son who is afraid of going from one room to another without me. He still sleep in our bed at night and afraid of darkness very much. Would you please tell me how to help him?
A: Would you please tell us since when it has started? Do you have any clue why?
Q: It has started since he was 2 years old. I believe I was responsible for it.We have attended a wedding and he was very naughty going to other rooms from from me. I wanted to keep him cose to me, so I said if you go far, the two ears head will come and get you! Since then he is afraid of being alone. Is there any way to undo what I have done?
A: The best thing I recommend is to change his mental image through ”story therapy”. You need to create stories about “the two ears one head, and talk to him about his fears. Little by little you should change his perception of getting hurt by monsters.
you can create a story like this: “the two ears one head was a little naughty boy tat first who only wanted to tease other kids. But he had a wise sister who never let him succeed and always protected other kids…
Q:I have a 2 years old child. She is very sensitive about going to daycare. She cry hard and doesn’t want to get separated from me. I would like to know what is the best age for kids to start going to daycares? How can I better prepare her to get use to going into places without me?
A:Hi, dear mother, The best age to start daycare is about 3 and 4. Separation anxiety usually will start at age 4. It is normal for a 4 years old to cry and get uncomfortable when wants to get separate from the parents. However, your baby is still small to feel separation anxiety. I guess your daughter is very dependent to you. You should give her time to get used to the idea of daycare, get familiar with the teachers and the environment. Please prepare pictures of her daycare, teachers, other students, and the toys and place them around the house. If you can film the daycare and play it for her and her father and talk about the activities that they do in the daycare. And give her time for about 10 days to get used to the idea. Then start taking her there for about 1 hour per day and increase the time gradually. It is O.K. if she cries even for half an hour the first day. But it should decrease gradually. It is very important to not take her out while she is still crying. This is answering to crying! She will learn how she can do as she wants then. So, wait until she calm down and then go to her to bring her home.
Q:My daughter is 28 months old. She just started to tell lies! I was wondering what the best way to react to this behavior is. For example, few days ago, she brought a picture to me and said : “mommy, I have drawn this for you! (But I know this is not her drawing) I didn’t know if I had to directly tell that she is not telling the truth, pretend that she actually has drawn it or stay quiet. So, at that moment I didn’t say anything. Later that day when she was drying by herself, I sat next to her and said: “I love your drawing! what a nice color you have chosen!” Another example is when she poops in her dipper. When I ask her to come with me so that I can change her dipper, She refuses and say: “I didn’t poop!” I hate lying and therefore, I always did my best to not even tell a simple small lie. I don’t know how she has learned lying! Now that she does, what should be my reaction?
A:You should ask yourself this question: “At her age, is it really possible to know the difference between lie and truth? Or in another words, does she know the difference between reality and unreality? It is only an action not a thoughtful behavior. But I am happy that you have asked: “what is the best way to react to this behavior?” The answer is: please stay calm and by this behavior first of teach her how she should stay relax in any situation with any result. For example in that case of the drawing, you tell her: Wow, what a good picture but you are the best picture in the world yourself my sweetie. You are perfect and beautiful in my mind. It is not important that you draw this picture or not (In this way you can indirectly tell her that you know she hasn’t drawn this picture not you don’t care if she did.) Speak about your emotion about her and your feels about her ability. You did a very good job praising her about her drawing later that day. The best way to help her at this age is to help her to develop and improve her skills in drawing and hand controlling .In this age two kinds of skills are very important:
Help her to learn these two kinds of skills as early as possible. So that she can enjoy working with those skills. Also, you can tell her story. In story you can help her learn in an indirect way. For instance, you can tell her about one little girl that did not understand the difference between true or false. Therefore, she made false stories sometimes. But little by little as she was growing up, she found out that right mind make right words and right words make Mom, Dad and God happy! After that, she only told right stories about any things and she was always happy and lucky.
Q:Hi, I am a mother of a 26 months old girl. She has just started to scratch faces of other kids or even I as her mother. When she wants one of their toys or when other children take her toy even gently just to looking at it, she immediately scratch their face. I don’t know what is the best way to react to her behavior? Should I be very serious with her or should I just distract her and not focus on her scratching behavior. I would be appreciate if you help me with this. Thanks a lot R.
A:Hi dear creative mother, I am glad to hear about your child’s development. Scratching is a sign of your child’s development but in a different way. As you know there are times that we can not understand other people’s action. In this cases we make rational or irrational interpretations about those behaviors. I am glad that you are asking before any judgment. please play with her as often as you can (more than 2 hours a day) and write how many times and why scratching happened. Gradually you will find the etiology and the pathway of her behavior. Then you will be able to help yourself to modify and replace the scratching behavior of your child with a suitable behavior at those situations. It is true that most of the children’s behavior are related to their families’ ecology. In other word, our expectations from them and also how much we strengthen them by our positive words of love and believing in them, help them to build a strong trust to us. However, when she does scratching, you react like this: 1. stay calm and let your child find herself again. 2. Calmly but firmly tell her that instead of scratching what was the correct behavior there. For example, tell her that if she doesn’t want her friend to take her toy, she should say: “no..no” but she shouldn’t touch other kid’s face!” 3. Then don’t pay attention to her for a short time. By no attention I mean not positive nor negative attention such as insulting her. Also please do the followings: 1-learn more and more about the best and the more creative ways to play with your child in a very exciting, happy and active way. 2-Find your child’s interests 3-Do not pay attention to other children against your child. Ex: never tell her sentence like: look how well that little girl is eating or playing so and so… 4-Write about your child’s behavior and go back to your writing as text for learning more and more about your child. Study your own notes to better get to know about your child and her growth path. 5-Be in touch with our website to enlarge your knowledge and ability on this matter. Thank and please do not forget that you are a creative mother because you are asking and asking is a sign of creativity.
Q:My question is that how children will learn to share things with other kids. Things such as food, toys and etc. from what age they will understand the meaning of sharing? My 18 months old daughter seems to not understand the meaning of sharing. Should I keep telling her about it and show her what it means to share, for example when she is eating with other kids, should I keep asking her to share or it is still too soon?
A:Every child likes to save his or her toys and food ,it is a sign of self protection. It doesn’t mean that he or she is mean. So, this behavior is completely normal. However, the best time to teach each phenomena in child development is depend on the child personality. So, it is best to try to look for signs of this readiness in his or her. Please try your best to play with her a lot. In your playings, act as different characteristics of the society and then show her how that person shares. Show her your beliefs but at the end let her decide what behavior she wants to choice and how she wants to act in her play. Do not forget that she is in the self-centerism period of her stage of child development. Please remember that your child will learn from your behavior a lot more than your words. She doesn’t listen to your orders like: “please share your chocolate with your friend”. But she will remember you when you share your food or your stuff with people around you. So, as parents we should try our best to be the best role model for children.
Q:I am a mother of a 1 year old and a part time student. 2 to 3 days a week from 9 am to 6 pm I have to leave my child to a babysitter to go to school and get my homework done. Am I harming my baby?Some people tell me she is too young and the first 5 years of age is very important. If they get treated incorrectly with a stranger, it would be hard to fix it later on. What is the best year to start leaving my child with babysitter part time?
A:You are doing your best for your child. I have written more than 25 books on child psychology and family ecology (I am family ecologist). You are balancing your life-style as a mother and a student very beautifully which is very important in your self-concept. Therefor,go ahead and be glad that you are doing great as a mother. Let me tell you that there are evidences which has proven that children of working mother are more creative than staying home mothers children. good look the best mother!
Posted by Mona | Posted in Parenting Tips | Posted on 19-08-2010
Q:I am a mother of a 3 year old girl. I know she is very stubborn at this age. Most of the time we argue when we want to go out. She wants to dress as she like! I try to be patient but she behave in a way that at the end makes me mad!! Now my question is how should I react to her? How should I think in side me so that I can tolerate her at this age? Does ignoring her help?
A:Thanks for your great question. I recommend 2 techniques to best deal with this issue. First is that I would like you to remember your childhood. If you do,you will be able to understand your child much better. At this age children’s try to find themselves. Second, is indirect talks. You can also speak with her through her dolls indirectly, for ex: when you are playing, look at her doll and say: Dear doll please tell your friend that I love her very much and I love her to look great! Please tell her to trust me on what to wear and what cloths is best for her to put on in different situations…This kind of speaking help you to be relax when you are speaking with you child. Moreover, these speakings will help your child to learn how to think and speak with her doll about her wishes and others’ wishes. Be careful that your child at any age can understand your expectation perfectly and this will greatly impact her behavior, so negative expectation follows negative response and positive expectation follows positive responses. please think about your child in a positive way when you are speaking with her.